When a parent dies and you're the executor, you're carrying two things at once: your own grief, and a role that comes with real responsibilities to the rest of the family. The first month is when the most decisions land, and it's also when you're least able to think clearly. This guide breaks the first 30 days into small, ordered pieces, so you know what usually needs to happen now and what can wait.
A note before we start: this is general information, not legal advice. Rules vary by state, so talk to a probate attorney before you file anything, sell anything or give anything away.
Before anything else: what you don't have to do yet
It helps to know what can wait. In the first month you generally don't need to clear out the house, sell the car, divide belongings, pay every bill that arrives or answer every question from relatives. Many of those tasks shouldn't happen until the court has confirmed your authority and creditors have had their chance to file claims. "I'm not able to do that yet" is a complete answer.
Days 1 to 3: the urgent things
- Get a legal pronouncement of death. In a hospital or hospice this happens there. At home without hospice, call 911 or your local non-emergency number.
- Look for written wishes about burial, cremation, organ donation or a service, and any prepaid funeral plan.
- Contact a funeral home. They handle transport, explain options and usually help you order death certificates.
- Secure the home, car and pets. Lock up, take valuables somewhere safe if the home will be empty, and arrange care for any animals.
- Tell close family, and ask one or two people to help spread the word.
Our what to do when a parent dies checklist covers these first days and weeks for the whole family, not just the executor.
Days 4 to 7: gather what you'll need
- Order certified death certificates. Banks, insurers, the court and agencies often each want an original. Ask the funeral home how many families in your situation typically need.
- Find the original will and any trust documents. Check papers at home, a safe, a safe deposit box or the attorney who drafted them. If there's a trust, the trustee may handle some assets outside probate.
- Collect key papers: recent bank and retirement statements, insurance policies, deeds, vehicle titles, tax returns, the Social Security number and Medicare card, and any military discharge papers.
- Start a log. One notebook or binder for every call, document and expense. You'll refer to it for months.
Week 2: protect the estate and keep things running
- Forward your parent's mail to yourself so you can see bills, statements and policies you didn't know about.
- Keep essential coverage in place. Homeowner's and auto insurance, utilities and the mortgage often need to continue until the estate is sorted out. Tell the home insurer the house may be vacant, since some policies treat that differently.
- Confirm Social Security was notified. The funeral home often reports the death; follow up and ask about any survivor benefits for a surviving spouse. Payments received for the month of death or later may need to be returned.
- Start life insurance and employer benefit claims. These usually go straight to the named beneficiary and don't wait on probate.
- Don't pay debts from your own money, and don't promise creditors anything yet.
Week 3: meet a probate attorney and open probate
This is a good time to sit down with a probate attorney, even for a simple estate. Bring the will, the death certificate and your list of what you've found so far. Questions worth asking:
- Does this estate need full probate, or does our state have a simplified small-estate process?
- What are the deadlines for filing the will and notifying heirs and creditors?
- Will I need a bond?
- Which assets pass outside probate, and which ones am I responsible for?
- What will your help cost, and can it be paid from the estate?
Once you file, the court reviews the will and, if all is in order, issues letters testamentary (or similar), the document that gives you legal authority to act. Timing varies a lot by county.
Week 4: set up the estate's finances
- Get an EIN for the estate from the IRS. It works like a Social Security number for the estate.
- Open an estate bank account once you have your letters, and run all estate money through it. Never mix it with your own.
- Notify banks and financial institutions with a death certificate and your letters.
- Contact the three credit bureaus to report the death and reduce the risk of identity theft.
- Begin the inventory: accounts, property, vehicles, valuables and digital accounts. You don't need it finished this month; you just need it started.
After the first 30 days
The rest of the executor's work, from publishing notice to creditors through paying debts and taxes to distributing assets and closing the estate, usually unfolds over months. Our executor checklist walks through each of those steps in order.
Working with siblings
If you're the executor and you have brothers or sisters, the job is partly communication. Most family conflict over estates comes from people feeling left out. A short update every week or two (what's been done, what's next, what you're waiting on) goes a long way. Share documents where you can. If tension starts to build, the probate attorney can explain the rules to everyone, so you aren't the one delivering every piece of unwelcome news.
Taking care of yourself
You're grieving a parent while doing administrative work that would be tiring under any circumstances. Accept help with errands and meals, take breaks from the paperwork, and remember that most estate tasks are measured in weeks and months, not hours. Many hospices offer grief support to families after a death, even if your parent wasn't in their care for long.
One place for all of it
A notebook or a shared spreadsheet is enough for this month: a first-days checklist in order, a death certificate tracker, who you've notified with a call log, the estate checklist from finding the will to closing the estate, accounts and assets, debts, home and vehicles, digital accounts and the expenses you paid. Share it with a sibling or co-executor. This guide is general information, not legal advice. For the medical part of being prepared, get the free ER-Ready Kit: the one-page Emergency Health Summary, the "Where should I go?" guide and interpreter wallet cards, in English and Spanish.
Want to spare your own family this search someday? Take the free 2-minute Readiness Score quiz.
The Ambos Health team
General information, not legal, tax or financial advice. Rules vary by state; talk to a probate attorney about your situation.