No parent wants to imagine not being there for their kids. But if you have children under 18, choosing a guardian is one of the most caring things you can do for them. Without a named guardian, a court decides who raises your children, often without knowing what you would have wanted. This guide walks through how to choose, how to ask, and what to write down so the person you pick could actually step in.
Questions to ask yourself
- Who shares your values about faith, education, discipline and the kind of people you hope your kids become?
- Who already has a real relationship with your children, and who would they feel safe with?
- Is their age and health a good fit for raising kids through to adulthood?
- Where do they live? Would your children have to change schools, leave friends or move far from family?
- Do they have the time and space, with their own work and family, to take on more children?
- Would they keep your kids connected to both sides of the family, your culture and your language?
- Are you comfortable with their partner, if they have one, since that person would be raising your kids too?
Money matters, but it shouldn't decide this alone. You can plan for your kids' financial needs separately, for example with life insurance, and some families name a different person to manage the money.
Choose a backup
Life changes. Name a second choice in case your first can't serve. Revisit your choice every few years, and after big changes like a move, a divorce or a new baby.
Have the conversation
Ask your chosen guardian directly, and give them time to think. Talk about where the kids would live, schooling, religion, staying in touch with grandparents and cousins, and how the money would work. If you're parenting with someone, make the choice together so you're both comfortable.
Make it official
A conversation or a letter alone usually isn't enough. In most states you name a guardian for minor children in your will or in another legal document your state recognizes. An estate or family law attorney can tell you what applies where you live, and many also help with short-term arrangements, such as who can care for your kids right away while things are sorted out.
Write down what they would need to know
Even the right person would be starting from scratch. Leave them the things only you know:
| Write down | Why it helps |
|---|---|
| Each child's allergies, medicines and conditions | Keeps them safe from day one |
| Pediatrician, dentist, pharmacy and insurance | So care continues without a gap |
| Daily routines, bedtime and comfort items | Familiar routines help kids feel secure |
| School, activities and who is approved for pickup | So nothing falls through the cracks |
| Who should care for them right away, and for good | Avoids confusion in the first hours and days |
| Your hopes for how they're raised | Values, traditions, faith, language and family ties |
| Where the money for the kids is | Insurance, savings and accounts set aside for them |
| A letter to the guardian | In your own words, what matters most to you |
Keep it in one place
Write it all down in one place: each child's profile, care team and medical information, everyday routines, your wishes for raising them, where the money is, and a letter to their guardian. It's just as useful for the babysitter or a weekend with the grandparents. For the health part, the Kids Health Kit ($6) is a bilingual vaccine record, growth and fever log. Get the free ER-Ready Kit: the one-page Emergency Health Summary, the "Where should I go?" guide and interpreter wallet cards, in English and Spanish. Our babysitter emergency contact sheet guide covers the short version.
Not sure where to start? Take the free 2-minute Readiness Score quiz.
The Ambos Health team
General information, not legal advice. Naming a guardian requires a will or the legal document your state requires; ask a family or estate attorney.